"Well, let's see. Do you want it by number order or chronologically?" Klaus replies stiffly, crossing the room to turn on his hot plate. Something to do, at least, until Diego forced him to sit still and face the music.

"Allison essentially blames me for the entire apocalypse, Luther's doing his 'I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed' routine, Ben thinks I'm an idiot- I mean what else is new- and Vanya..." The words are still at the back of his mind sometimes. That he should have just gone through with it instead of making Ben watch him, OD after OD after OD. That he should have died and Ben should have lived.

But she had been the first one to greet him when he came out of the Porter, after being essentially dead for a week. Her hands tight around his waist, her face buried in his chest.
They were all lethal to each other, even if they loved each other. Prying at all the loose stones and jagged edges to pick under skin and make each other bleed.

"Look, I get it, alright? I'm the family screw up. No matter what I try to do to be better, it's never going to be good enough. So just get off my ass."
Because he's tried. He's tried. He's gotten a stable job, he's stopped taking illegal drugs, he's tried to sort his shit out even if he's coming home late or staying out too long. Hell, he's even using his powers. Training with them. Even if he hasn't picked sparring back up with Diego, or Telekinesis with Luther, he's still learning how to use them.

But nothing he does will ever be good enough, because he'd done something in the past to bring it all crashing down around his ears.
He wishes he could stop giving a shit. Wishes he had that power enhancer around his wrist again, when he felt in control and unstoppable and like he could conquer the world. Like he could conquer everything.

He wishes he were numb again.